The voice of Femicide Affected Children and Families

Here are 10 silent realities that children of femicide carry:

1. The Cortisol Cradle Trauma starts before birth. When a mother lives in terror, the baby is born into a "stress bath." This often leads to endless crying and a nervous system that never learns how to feel safe.

2. Emotional Starvation Abusers often isolate children from their mothers (like prohibiting breastfeeding). This creates a "hunger" for connection that follows you into adulthood, often appearing as hypervigilance or codependency.

3. The "Silent" House Rule In violent homes, children learn to be invisible to stay safe. You become a "shapeshifter," changing your personality to avoid being the target of the next outburst.

4. Physical Pain as a Shield Chronic illness (like tonsillitis or anemia) isn't just a medical issue; it's the body screaming. Many survivors learn to "silence the pain" or even self-harm to feel a connection to the trauma their mother endured.

5. The Observer Effect When parents are figures of fear and admiration rather than safety, the child becomes a "mini-detective." You study every movement, every shadow, and every mood to predict the next strike.

6. The Stolen Identity In many families, one child is "the boss" and the other is "the invisible one." You grow up feeling that who you truly are isn't precious to anyone, leading to a life of masking and hiding.

7. Out-of-Body Living (Dissociation) When the trauma becomes too much—like hearing a devastating phone call or witnessing the unthinkable—the brain "leaves the body." This is a survival tool that can make you feel "numb" or "asexual" later in life.

8. The Rage of the System Survivors don't just lose a mother; they lose their faith in the world. When the neighborhood stays silent and the law lets killers walk free, the child is left to carry a rage that the world refuses to acknowledge.

9. The Holiday Ghost Mother’s Day, birthdays, and anniversaries aren't celebrations; they are minefields. Feeling "erratic" or wanting to run away during these times is a normal response to an abnormal loss.

10. The Need for "Compassionate Witnessing" Trauma isn't just what happened to you; it’s the fact that you had to endure it alone. Healing begins when you stop lying about the pain and find a community that says: "I see you, and you are not a monster."

When the unthinkable happens, your brain often goes "offline." You might feel like you are watching your life from the ceiling. This is shock. In the Caribbean, where family "privacy" often protects the killer and the legal system is a maze, you need a roadmap to survive the first year.

Phase 1: The Immediate Storm (Days 1–30)

• Secure Your Boundaries: Relatives may try to control the funeral or silence you. Like the 11-year-old who fought to open the casket, trust your gut. You have the right to see, to mourn, and to know the truth.

• Document Everything: Even if you aren't ready to go to the police, write down what you saw and heard. If there were threats or "roses after the screams," record them. Memories blur; ink doesn't.

• Identify One Safe Adult: If you are a minor or a young adult, find the "Grandmother" figure—someone stoic and safe. If they aren't in your family, look to a teacher or an advocate.

Phase 2: The Legal & Financial Trap (Months 2–6)

• Beware the "Chinese Restaurant" Meeting: Abusers and their allies will try to "settle" things with food, money, or NDAs (Non-Disclosure Agreements).

  • Rule: Never sign anything alone.

  • Reality: They aren't "taking care of you"; they are protecting themselves.

• Seek Pro-Bono Aid Early: Don't wait for the state to act. Reach out to feminist organizations or "Observatories" immediately. The system often moves only when pushed by activists.

• Protect the Assets: If there is a business or a house (like the hardware store), ensure the "confessed killer" doesn't liquidate it. This is your mother’s legacy, not his "get out of jail" fund.

Phase 3: The Body’s Rebellion (Months 6–12)

• Watch for "The Crash": After the funeral and the initial legal heat, your body will react. This looks like severe anemia, insomnia, or "leaving your body" (dissociation).

• The First Holidays: Mother’s Day, Christmas, and birthdays will feel like a physical weight. It is okay to turn off the phone, watch TV all day, and skip the "family" gatherings that feel like lies.

• Naming the Pain: This is when you start looking for the words. Whether it’s "feminism," "activism," or "asexuality," naming your experience is the first step to owning your body again.

When a mother is killed, the world often rushes to find excuses for the killer or reasons why the victim "stayed." These myths don't just hurt the memory of the dead—they isolate the children who survived.

Let's set the record straight for 2026.

Myth #1: "She should have just left him."

• The Reality: Leaving is the most dangerous time. As we saw with the hardware store case, abusers often kill when they lose financial or emotional control. Lucy was planning a divorce; Juan killed her to stop her. Leaving isn't a simple choice; it’s a high-stakes escape.

Myth #2: "The kids didn't know it was that bad."

• The Reality: Children are the "mini-detectives" of the home. They hear the silent knocking at the door; they feel the shaking under the bed; they smell the fear. Even if they don't have the words, their bodies remember the trauma through chronic illness and hypervigilance.

Myth #3: "If it was really happening, the neighbors/family would have helped."

• The Reality: There is a "Collective Silence" in many cultures. People hear the screams and stay in their rooms. In the Caribbean and beyond, the "Authoritarian Father" is often protected by a system that views domestic violence as a private matter. Silence isn't a sign of peace; it's a sign of complicity.

Myth #4: "The law will take care of it."

• The Reality: Money and pigmentocracy (colorism) often buy freedom. A "confessed killer" can walk free if they have the resources to pay the right lawyers. For the children, watching a killer live a normal life is a second trauma that lasts decades.

Myth #5: "Time heals all wounds."

• The Reality: Time only heals if there is Compassionate Witnessing. Without therapy and community, the trauma just changes shape—it becomes anemia, asexuality, or self-harm. Healing isn't a clock; it's a conscious, daily rebuilding of the self.

When a mother is killed, the world often rushes to find excuses for the killer or reasons why the victim "stayed." These myths don't just hurt the memory of the dead—they isolate the children who survived.

Let's set the record straight for 2026.

Myth #1: "She should have just left him."

• The Reality: Leaving is the most dangerous time. As we saw with the hardware store case, abusers often kill when they lose financial or emotional control. Lucy was planning a divorce; Juan killed her to stop her. Leaving isn't a simple choice; it’s a high-stakes escape.

Myth #2: "The kids didn't know it was that bad."

• The Reality: Children are the "mini-detectives" of the home. They hear the silent knocking at the door; they feel the shaking under the bed; they smell the fear. Even if they don't have the words, their bodies remember the trauma through chronic illness and hypervigilance.

Myth #3: "If it was really happening, the neighbors/family would have helped."

• The Reality: There is a "Collective Silence" in many cultures. People hear the screams and stay in their rooms. In the Caribbean and beyond, the "Authoritarian Father" is often protected by a system that views domestic violence as a private matter. Silence isn't a sign of peace; it's a sign of complicity.

Myth #4: "The law will take care of it."

• The Reality: Money and pigmentocracy (colorism) often buy freedom. A "confessed killer" can walk free if they have the resources to pay the right lawyers. For the children, watching a killer live a normal life is a second trauma that lasts decades.

Myth #5: "Time heals all wounds."

• The Reality: Time only heals if there is Compassionate Witnessing. Without therapy and community, the trauma just changes shape—it becomes anemia, asexuality, or self-harm. Healing isn't a clock; it's a conscious, daily rebuilding of the self.

Femicide is never just a "crime of passion" between two people. It is a failure of the systems designed to protect us. When we look at the Lucy33 Case, we see a blueprint of how power, money, and "pigmentocracy" (colorism) work together to silence the truth and leave children in the shadows.

1. The "Wealth Shield"

In the aftermath of femicide, the perpetrator often controls the assets. In the Lucy33 case, the hardware store that Lucy built became the blood money used to pay for high-priced lawyers.

• The Systemic Reality: When the killer holds the checkbook, the children’s inheritance is often used to buy the father’s freedom. This creates a "second robbery" of the child’s future.

2. Pigmentocracy and the "Goddess" Archetype

Lucy was a "Caribbean Goddess"—successful, radiant, and light-skinned—while the system often looks away when the perpetrator is an authoritarian figure of status.

• The Systemic Reality: In the Caribbean and beyond, justice is often filtered through skin color and social standing. If a woman is "too independent" or "too successful," the system subtly blames her for "challenging" the abuser’s ego.

3. The "Confessed Killer" Loophole

How does a man confess to every detail of a crime—even the intervened phones and the isolated location—and still walk free?

• The Systemic Reality: Legal systems in 2026 still suffer from "institutional indifference." If the victim is no longer there to speak, and the children are silenced by trauma or NDAs, the state often takes the path of least resistance.

4. The Afro-Feminist Answer

Isolation is the abuser’s greatest tool. Healing for survivors often begins outside the courtroom—in movements that name the violence and refuse to let the "skeleton" be forgotten.

• The Systemic Reality: Activism isn't just about yelling; it’s about refusing to lie. By socializing the pain, we take the power away from the "silent authoritarian" and put it back into the hands of the survivors.

To understand the full context of the systemic failures mentioned here, [Read the Lucy33 Femicide Case Story Here].

When a child loses their mother to femicide, the words used by the adults around them can either become a "Vic Vapor Rub" for the soul or a "Stiletto heel" to the wound. In 2026, we know that children aren't "too young to understand"—they are simply "too young to process it alone."

Here is how to change the script from cruelty to care.

3 Rules for Talking to the "Invisible" Child

1. Validate the Body, Not Just the Words: If the child is "ballooning" in weight, constantly sick with tonsillitis, or "bleeding out," don't mock them. Say: "I see that you are hurting. Let's find a way to make your body feel like a safe home again."

2. No NDAs on Truth: Never ask a child to sign away their memory or their right to justice. If an adult asks for silence, they are asking the child to carry their guilt. Encourage the child to speak their truth when they are ready.

The "Observer" Acknowledgment: Since child survivors are "mini-detectives," they know when you are lying. Be honest. You don't need to share the "burnt flesh" details, but you must acknowledge the reality: "Yes, a terrible thing happened. It was violent, and it was wrong."

The Article

When a mother is taken, the world looks at the children. But there is another group standing in the shadows, catching the pieces: the grandmothers, the aunts, and the chosen family.

In the Lucy33 Case, we saw the silent, stoic strength of a grandmother who worked from 5 AM to 7 PM, offering food as her only love language. But we also saw the cost: a "severe headache" that ended a life just years after the tragedy.

If you are the one "holding it all together," this is for you.

1. The Myth of the "Strong Survivor"

We are taught that being "stoic" is the highest form of love. We hide our tears so the children won't see. We say, "I want the devil or God to take me," because the pain is too heavy to speak aloud.

• The Reality: Resilience without expression is just stored trauma. Your body is keeping score of every scream you suppressed.

2. When Food is the Only Language

For many of our elders, "I love you" is a plate of food. It’s a way to provide safety when the world feels dangerous.

• The Reality: While food nourishes the body, the "Invisible Impact" on the children requires emotional words too. It is okay to say, "I am sad," or "I am scared." It teaches the children that their own big feelings are safe to have.

3. The Body’s Final Protest

A "severe headache" or "broken heart" isn't just a medical event; it's often the body saying, "I cannot carry this secret anymore." * The Reality: Secondary survivors often die of the stress of "witnessing without processing." You deserve care, therapy, and a place to scream, just as much as the primary victims do.

4. Breaking the Cycle of Silence

You don't have to be a "silent observer" anymore. By taking care of your own trauma, you show the children that healing is possible. You show them that they don't have to grow up to be "stoic and sick," but can be "vocal and well."

The Grandmother in the [Lucy33 Case Story] carried a daughter's tragedy in silence until her body gave way. Don't carry yours alone.

The Article

In the Lucy33 Case, the father bragged to the police that the house phones were "intervened." He used surveillance as a psychological weapon to ensure there was no escape. Today, abusers don't need wiretaps; they use GPS, shared passwords, and social media to keep survivors in a state of constant fear.

If you feel like you are being watched, you probably are. Here is how to reclaim your digital life.

1. The "Ghost" Strategy: Masking and Lying

For a child survivor, "lying" about where you are or who you are with isn't a character flaw—it’s a safety protocol.

• The Protocol: In 2026, it is okay to use "Burner" identities online. You don't owe the world your location, your "Relationship Status," or your family history. If "masking" keeps you safe from a predator, it is a tool, not a sin.

2. Audit Your "Intervened" Devices

Modern "wiretapping" happens through shared family accounts (iCloud, Google, Netflix).

• The Fix: If an abuser paid for the phone or knows the password, the phone is not yours. * Action: Change your "Recovery Email" to one the abuser has never heard of. Check your "Logged-in Devices" list and log out of everything unfamiliar.

3. The "Search Engine" Trap

When you are a survivor of a high-profile case like Lucy33, your name is often tied to the tragedy forever.

• The Fix: Use "Right to be Forgotten" tools (available in Europe and moving globally in 2026) to de-link your personal social media from the news articles about the crime. You have the right to a digital life that isn't defined by a skeleton.

4. Silence the GPS

Abusers often track "Significant Locations" through photos and apps.

• The Fix: Turn off "Metadata" on your photos. When you post a picture of your coffee, you shouldn't be posting the GPS coordinates of your front door.

Juan Romeo bragged about his power to listen. Today, we use tech to shut the door. [Learn more about the surveillance used in the Lucy33 Case here].

The Article

In the Lucy33 Case, the tragedy wasn't just the loss of life—it was the theft of a legacy. Lucy was a successful entrepreneur who built a hardware store from the ground up. Yet, her killer used the very wealth she created to pay for his defense and walk free.

For many survivors, the "aftermath" includes a 20-year battle through lawyers' offices that leaves you exhausted and broke. Here is how to navigate the financial wreckage.

1. The "Killer’s Profit" Gap

It is a bitter reality: in many systems, the perpetrator maintains control of joint assets.

• The Risk: Like Juan in the Lucy33 story, an abuser may liquidate businesses, bank accounts, or property before the children can claim them.

• The Action: Move for an "Asset Freeze" immediately. In 2026, many jurisdictions allow for "Emergency Restraining Orders" on property if a violent crime has been committed.

2. The NDA Trap (Non-Disclosure Agreements)

If a relative or the perpetrator asks you to sign papers in a "Chinese Restaurant" (or any unofficial setting) in exchange for support, stop.

• The Reality: These papers are often NDAs designed to stop you from suing for your mother's assets or representing her in court.

• The Action: If you are a survivor under 25, seek "Pro-Bono" (free) legal counsel specifically for Inheritance Rights. Do not sign away your right to say, "This belonged to her."

3. The 20-Year Exhaustion

Visiting lawyers for decades (from age 11 to 30) can drain your spirit.

• The Reality: The system often counts on you "getting tired" and moving on.

• The Strategy: Look for Restorative Justice grants. In 2026, many NGOs now offer "Reparation Funds" to help children of femicide cover the costs of legal battles so they don't have to rely on the killer’s "generosity."

4. Reclaiming the "Breadwinner" Legacy

Your mother’s success—like Lucy's hardware store—is proof of her life and her hard work. Reclaiming those assets isn't about "greed"; it’s about making sure the killer doesn't profit from his crime.

Juan Romeo killed Lucy to keep the store. Rosmery spent 20 years fighting the layers of legal silence. [Read the full Financial Battle of the Lucy33 Case here].

The Article

For years, you might have felt like a "toxic friend" or a "self-absorbed maniac." But in 2026, we are renaming that. What the world calls "erratic," we call Post-Traumatic Growth. In the Lucy33 Case, the survivor didn’t just sit in the pain. She took the "skeleton" of the past and built a lighthouse for others. If you are currently "crumbling" or "running," know that your journey doesn't end in the dirt.

1. Rage is a Compass

You were told to be a "silent, good girl," but your anger kept you alive.

• The Transformation: Rage is what fuels a Femicide Observatory. It’s the energy that counts the deaths of hundreds of women so they are never forgotten. Your anger isn't "bad"—it’s a signal that you still believe in justice.

2. Comedy as a Weapon

When you’ve seen the darkest parts of humanity—like fighting 10 relatives for a casket—the world starts to look "painfully hilarious."

• The Transformation: Doing stand-up comedy or being "the hilarious friend" isn't just a coping mechanism; it’s a way to reclaim the narrative. If you can laugh at the absurdity of the "Chinese restaurant meeting," the abuser no longer owns your joy.

3. The Afro-Feminist Lifeline

Isolation is where trauma grows. Finding a "tribe"—like the Afro-feminist movement in the Dominican Republic—changes everything.

• The Transformation: Moving from "I am alone" to "We are many" is the ultimate restorative justice. Leading programs that protect lesbians and vulnerable women is how you "parent" the world in the way you weren't parented.

4. Tenacity over "Normalcy"

You might never feel "normal," and that’s okay. Traveling the world with $30 in your pocket and a heart full of fear takes more "will" than most people use in a lifetime.

• The Transformation: Your ability to survive the unsurvivable makes you a resourceful leader. You are not a "broken person"; you are a survivor with an elite set of survival skills.

Rosmery turned the "silent house" into a global voice for the Lucy33 Case. Your voice is next. [Read the full Story of Transformation here].

The Article

For decades, your body might have felt like a foreign place—a container for pain, a place of "dead" sensations, or a map of scars you hide from the light. In the Lucy33 Case, the trauma didn't just stay in the past; it lived in the blood (anemia), the heart (high blood pressure), and the silent layers of asexuality.

But here is the secret the world doesn’t tell you: The body can wait for you. Even after 40 years, you can come home.

1. The "Foreign Land" of Asexuality

When you spend your childhood dissociating to survive "silent knocking" and violence, your brain learns to turn off the "pleasure" switch.

• The Reality: Living as "asexual" or feeling nothing isn't a brokenness—it’s a long-term survival shield. Losing a relationship because of a "dead pussy" (as we call it in the stand-up room) is a grief, but it is also the clearing of the path.

2. The Magic of the First "Yes"

Imagine waiting four decades to feel your own body.

• The Journey: Reaching deep awareness—whether through 12-hour meditations or finally feeling a real orgasm at 40—is a miracle. It proves that the "cortisol birth" and the "burnt skin" memories do not have the final say. The universe is patient.

3. Rebuilding the "Relational Muscle"

After a life of "masking," "lying," and "running," the hardest thing to do is stay.

• The Journey: Rebuilding social skills and honesty is like learning a new language. It’s okay to be a "beginner" at 40. It’s okay to tell your friends: "I’m working on socializing myself; I’m learning how to care." Transparency is the only cure for the shame of the past.

4. The Next 40 Years

We don't "get over" femicide; we integrate it. We stop being "self-absorbed maniacs" by finally witnessing our own pain so we can clearly see the pain of others.

• The Legacy: You are moving from a place of "Sustained Trauma" to a place of Authentic Honesty. The scars (physical and emotional) are not signs of defeat—they are the texture of a life lived with relentless bravery.

Rosmery hid her love and her pain for years in the wake of the [Lucy33 Case Story]. Today, she chooses transparency. What will you choose for your next 40 years?